I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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