i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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