I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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