I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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