So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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