i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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