I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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