guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
