just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
