I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
