He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
