No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
