I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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