i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
