I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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