I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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