I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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