Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize