fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
