In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
