I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
These tits shall not be calmed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
