Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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