If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
