My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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