You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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