Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
