new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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