Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We got so high we made milksteak
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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