Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a hot homeless man
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize