dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
