Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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