At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
