I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
