My nipple is on Facebook.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
