Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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