My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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