Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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