just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
