I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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