oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
