will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
