Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
