FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
