how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
