You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
