did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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