My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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