I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
