he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
