but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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