Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You can't motorboat a personality
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
