I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
