so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
