At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
