How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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