Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
