I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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