So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
