I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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