Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm really busy with my period
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