he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
