I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
