her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
