I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
