from now on my penis is your penis
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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