I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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