You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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