In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
