he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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