Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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