hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
