Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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