R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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