So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
