stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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