so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
