Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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