I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
