so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
pray to the hookup gods
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