yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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