Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
